Hospital bracelets

I've decided to start a new collection - hospital bracelets! It seems that with middle-age and the accompanying medical tests and screenings comes a stack of these silly plastic bracelets that they put on you, I guess in case you can't remember who you are or what you're there for. Quite often they never look at them again and I just cut them off when I get home and stick them in the top drawer of my vanity. It seems to be a nice bunch now, so why not make them a "collection" and give them some prominence in my house? Like badges of honor that announce to all the world that I'm doing my part to support the local hospital!

I remember my mother showing me a little beaded bracelet that the hospital put on me when I was born. Apparently the custom then was to string cute little white and pink (or blue, as the case may be) beads with letters on them that said the last name of the new baby - and the date of birth. What a nice idea! And how much more delightful to keep as a memento than the ugly plastic ones that they put on my babies! Unfortunately I don't know what happened to that little bracelet. I haven't seen it in years and it didn't turn up when we cleaned my mother's house out after she died two years ago. I wish I had it. I could do a collage of hospital bracelets through the years, all with my birthday!

What have I come to anyway?

Mammograms

I finally got my last medical test of the year done - a little late for 2008 but still part of last year's inventory. I had my mammogram today.

Now, I'm not someone who particularly likes medical tests but I know they are a necessary part of living well. And the truth is that the older we get the more types of tests we need. Of all those tests, from blood work to bone scans, the mammogram is right up there with the ones I least look forward to. I swear, they were invented by men. And I'm also quite sure that if a similar test were developed and was the only way to screen for testicular cancer, there is not a man on earth who would have it done. But we women, bless us, march in there every year and suffer through the humiliation and discomfort of our mammogram becaue we are stoic and obedient, and we know our bodies. From the early years of gyno exams through the indignities of childbirth, we have learned to grin and bear it all. And the men really haven't got a clue.

Well - its over again, along with all my other tests, for the year. Of course, it's 2009 now. Which means it all starts again soon. I'm marking my calendar now. And if I procrastinate enough maybe I can squeeze (poor choice of word there) an extra month out of the schedule and end up finishing the rounds in February of 2010...